What do you live for?
That's a serious question I am asking you. Do you know what you live for, and why you do it? Have you set the rules of your life, or are you letting someone else dictate your existence?
As a conscious human being that likes to stay awakened to truth, it is important to continually check in with yourself that you are on the right track with your beliefs.
I have always been a person whose gone my own way. But even for me who has always done my best to listen to my gut feeling, I have sometimes still been caught up in doing things, or living parts of my life for something external to myself.
In my early 20's I was lured into the field of fashion for the superficial side of it. During my sailing blog era I accepted to work with sponsors and brands for the sake of making money. When I was younger, I could briefly stay in relationships that gave me some sort of comfort but didn't make me really happy. I have in the past made myself acquainted with people because of their status. None of which were ever true and right, but something I at the time thought I needed to do. For whatever reason they may have been in the moment.
Working in fashion for example was a fashionable thing for a young woman to do. Of course, becoming a business owner at the age of 22 was a great accomplishment and an ego boost which made me grow my self esteem as an entrepreneur and made me understand that I can do anything that I put my mind towards (read more about that era here). But the industry and what it stands for, was never really me. I was lured into it due to external ideas. Fashion and beauty is something that unfortunately occupy very much of most young women's everyday lives. I wasn't drawn to fashion due to some core beliefs that I had cultivated from within. It was just a trendy, fun, good looking thing to do and too easy to hook onto.
I hadn't yet begun to dwell into the depths of my own true desires. I hadn't yet begun to question the wastefulness and the destructiveness of promoting good looks and materialistic needs.
I sometimes wonder how it would have been if I stayed in that field. And I sometimes think back and wonder, what if I would have stayed in relationships that gave me either a false sense of comfort or immense financial freedom. Or if I would have continued writing blogs for a living, daily promoting brands and companies for the sake of making money. Pushing for doing and writing about "the right" commercial things of the moment to gain more readers, more connections, make more money, be seen in a certain way.
What would that do to my own life? To my real self? Who would I then have lived for? Not for myself.
Each one of these pursuits may have been able to provide me greater financial security. But eventually each of them made me feel dirty. I had to realise that none of it was true. I have stepped into these areas and returned back out as soon as I finally realised the lack of realness in them. How they took away pieces of my soul and made me feel empty.
It's so easy to get caught up in things for the wrong reasons. I know because I have done it many times. Obviously they occurred more when I was younger. So I almost feel pain when I think of young people who are still trapped in life-style's that they eventually will feel lost and empty within. And the people who are in my age and older, who still live lives that hold them back and which aren't moving them towards their real life purpose.
Anything you do for the sake of something external, takes away a piece of your internal. That is why so many people feel lost and confused. Because they have allowed too many superficial needs and unreal satisfaction. It takes time to clean oneself off from the dirt. To regain a sense of true spiritual freedom.
Despite the wastefulness of them, I wouldn't want to trade away either of my past experiences. They have challenged me to question myself and thereby pushed me closer to my own truths.
But I know now that I wouldn't ever want to live a lie again. Waste my time on things of no actual soul value. I don't want to sacrifice my own health and happiness. My own chance to create my own true life. That is what we are here for after all, isn't it? To live out our own dreams and desires. The real ones. Live the real life. Be simply and authentically happy everyday because we can stand for everything we do and say. Live a life clean and in line with our beliefs.
The first photo above is from the early morning ferry ride from Athens onto my new Greek island life in January last year. The second photo is from my first time stepping out of said ferry onto my new home on the island of Paros. After I had made the painful decision to leave a person/relationship that I had such long meaningful history with but which didn't make me happy any longer. And on top of that leaving a great business opportunity that potentially would have made me very secure financially.
I cried as they opened the ferry bridge. I felt such immense sense of freedom and relief. Whatever would happen from now on, I had no damn clue. Didn't even know if the house I had hopes to live in was anything like in the photos I had found online. I didn't know anyone here. Didn't know anyone who had ever been here. I wasn't sure of anything more than: I was finally following my own heart again. That made me cry tears of happiness and sadness and relief all at the same time.
I cried a bit almost daily for the next few weeks. Cleansing my soul of everything that caused pain, the pain I had inflicted on myself in the past. I cried for the relieving sense of freedom that comes from having a truly open and honest communication with yourself. By being painfully clear and transparent. I cried for the new life opportunities that I knew would come my way eventually. But this time I would be faster on noticing the false, and I wouldn't let anything untrue disturb this new clear channel.
I swore to myself to stay on path. To keep grounding myself. To not waste any more of my time. But to truly own my own life.