My almost 10 year old camera shut down on me last week. Typically right now, as I have set up a schedule for shooting many new videos for my members section. This camera has joined me crossing the Atlantic ocean on a 35 ft sailboat. It lived at sea with me for five years. It helped document my child’s home-birth, and it has generally been part of many grande as well as many every day events and memories in all corners of the world. If this break-down would have happened a couple years ago, I probably would have been a bit more stressed, given that replacing the camera is quite an investment, and because like I said, I have promised my members that I will keep uploading the members page with regular new content. But instead of getting consumed by stress, or fear of letting people down (which is something my old self would), I invited the fact with an “Ok, this is interesting, let’s see what I am supposed to learn from this happening right now”.
Things only hurt or stress us if there is an attachment or expectation involved. One could say that having promised to upload something, is a form of expectation. Or then it isn’t, if I choose to look at it from an angle that embraces and accepts life for all its ups and downs, for its transformative and ever flowing nature. Everything is the way it is supposed to.
It’s good with the reminder that while the things around me change form, nothing changes within me, unless I choose to change. That is the practice, the work of self inquiry through meditation and contemplation. No drama happened, unless I allow myself to feel dramatic. No worries, unless I decide to worry about it. We have a choice in every moment to react out of fear and worry. Or we can choose to take a breath, observe, and realise that nothing actually is changed in this moment. And then we can go ahead and get creative in transforming the external situation to one that we hadn’t thought of previously.
Being attached to things, people, ideas or specific outcomes keeps us enslaved, and it leads to suffering. Everything is in movement. Nothing ever remains as it was. There is a conflict already in the idea of trying to control circumstances or expecting the outside to remain the same, when its whole purpose is to transform, age, wilt. That is the nature of this physical space time reality.
There are a few things I enjoy living with, that I use as tools for enhancing this life experience. But I also enjoy owning less, as I always experience a sense of relief when I get rid of belongings. As I let go of the moving pieces, I can go deeper and focus on the ever present, the unchanged and eternal parts of myself.
If you are a member on my site, the cooking videos will take a little while longer. I’m hoping to be back at recording later in the week.
Photo was taken in the lovely apartment we rented in Malmö last winter when I was pregnant with Ro.