We bought you some shampoo and body wash the other day and it arrived in the mail today. So weird to purchase everyday things for someone we have never met. Someone we don't even know how they look like. Someone that will join me for showers and baths for many years to come. Someone who will sleep skin to skin with me day and night.
I have treasured my alone time so immensely. Resting and contemplating in quietness has always given me peace of mind and much needed perspective. I have valued the space in between communication with others, often more, than actually spending time with others. Loving my own company and lingering in the comfort and harmony of utter peace has literally built the person that I am today. So I think to myself, how did it happen that I voluntarily signed up for removing that, or at least, drastically cutting down on it, from my life.
I'm not really afraid of not getting solitude when I need to. Your father makes sure to give me all the space that I need, and I know he will be there whenever I need to be alone. He will be as present in your life as I. But what surprises me is that I long for having you with me everywhere I go. The way we currently are inseparable. Only that you would be on the outside of my skin.
It now feels that all those hours and days of inner contemplation. Of getting to know myself so closely. Having had all those conversations with me, myself and I. Were all training and preparation for your arrival. I now know who I am. What I stand for. What is important to me. What kind of life, and values I wish to introduce to you. Diving deep within my own consciousness, allowing space and reflection to be the basis of my life, has made me the calm and harmonious person that I think will be part of a good foundation for our life together.
On the other hand I am humble to the knowing that you too, will teach me so many things. As any child, you come with your own purpose. And it is my job to help you reveal what you came here for. Guiding you in all the ways I can without interfering with your personal and unique development. Without pushing you in any direction of my choice. I wouldn't have known those things if you would have come earlier in life. If you would have arrived before I made peace with myself. Before I knew what my life was about. So I am grateful that it is now you make your entrance into our lives. The perfect time in life.
I can't wait to be able to look you in the eyes. See how you smile. What personality you have. I am so curious to see if you are the mostly quiet person you appear to be from this angle, and then extremely strong and determined on occasion. If you are as good a sleeper that you seem to be. Sleeping when I sleep. Waking up when I wake. So many questions. The beauty and curiosity of this magical unfolding.
In either case, we've got the shampoo ready for you. I wonder if you have any hair yet?