30 weeks


75% of pregnancy survived! 

Feels so magical, when I spend proper time to really dwell on the idea of it. That there's a person (or an alien) inside of my body, waiting to get out here and change my life forever. The tiniest little part of someone I love, have met a tiny egg that has been within my uterus since I was conceived inside of my mothers body 35 years ago. The composition of which is now growing inside of me, into a human being with a heart that pounds and a brain that dreams. And eventually that person is going to get out of the littlest passage in my body that expands for the occasion and tada! here I am, and you are going to love me more than your life and we are going to have a hell of a time for the rest of your days!

How can I ever take the magic of this world lightly after knowing of such miracles? How can I waste my time on things that don't matter when I can immerse in all of it fully and celebrate this magical chance to a life that we have been given? Nature could as well be filled with unicorns and magical passages that transport you from one part of the world into another in no time, if this is what we have to deal with.

Maybe it just is that we've grown so used to everything around us that we fail to see the magic? Life is just too surreal and beautiful and I am consciously making sure to not take any of it for granted. 

Besides that, I'm feeling good. Ok I'm a bit heavier than normal obvs and breathing is sometimes a bit harder. I've recently got a stuck nerve in my shoulder that makes me unable to sleep on the left side. My favourite side. Some nights I struggle to find an ok position and in the moment it feels frustrating that I can't. But it's all good anyways. Only the fact that we've come this far, feeling this good, is a miracle. 

Chatting sometimes with our midwife/doula in the U.K. who won't be able to get here before the actual due date. But that's ok, she'll guide us thru Skype if baby decides to show up earlier. We'll make it work. Things will be just as they're meant to. Feeling the meaning of all of this so deeply. On a level I can't describe in words. 

Oh, and my boobs are leaking. Woke up one night having wet the sheet. Tiny amounts but hilarious nonetheless. My partner finds the whole thing very fascinating. I try to tell him to save the colostrum for the baby! Though midwife just confirmed I will be producing more every day until birth. Can't wait to breastfeed. Really? I can't wait for a person to suck on my nipples day and night? And at least for a year if I may decide. How odd is that! But really, I can't wait...