One thing that I struggle with when it comes to blogging these days is: I can't take myself as seriously as I have in the past. Or maybe that is exactly what I do more of now, whatever serious means to you. Having worked away so many layers of my ego in the last couple years, I sometimes feel that it is almost pointless, and even quite ugly, to be talking about myself all day everyday online for anyone to dig into. I am no longer driven by unconscious desires to be seen in certain ways, or to take space for the sake of gaining publicity.
But for my business, I realise the value in connecting. The value in being real and sharing my message. The core of what I work with is human interaction, where my drive is to help people on their individual paths to greater freedom and more powerful fulfilment in their lives. So I can acknowledge the fact that I need to be personal and share my values, thoughts and challenges, as that is what seem to inspire people the most. One person's mistake becomes someone else's lesson. And my life's journey that has contained such a wide variety of ups and downs can be helpful to others, I know that. I cannot forget that. In order to help the best way that I can, I need to expose myself and my story.
I am grateful for each interaction I have with readers, as they remind me that what I do and what I write about is helping others to gain clarity, or see life from different perspectives.
I guess it is part of changing and developing to the better. To consciously be reflecting on which of ones behaviours are ego-driven. And what parts of ones story and self, is needed in the world.
Eight questions I'd like to answer today:
How is your pregnancy going?
Well, thanks! 26 weeks tomorrow. Although we all know that those days and dates aren't very precise. Somehow I have a feeling that this baby was conceived a bit earlier, which is why I grew so much so quickly. And which is why I felt my baby start kicking already in week 15 and a half.
When is baby due?
June 17th. But if above theory is correct, it may be a bit earlier. A mid summer baby nonetheless which I am very happy about. No bulky winter clothes and shoes needed for le babe, she or he can arrive into this world as naked and free as it is in there.
Have you bought any baby things yet?
Nothing, actually. We are putting all our focus on creating our paradise summer home in which the baby will be born. Full of blooming flowers, comfort and love. We're planning on building a wooden outdoor bathtub, which you could say is for the baby. Or at least the vessel in which she or he will be born. Potentially. If universe works with us and all that...
How has your wardrobe changed since becoming pregnant?
Not too much. So much of what I previously owned can be used now as well. Have lots of oversized t-shirts and tops apparently. I've really only gotten myself one pair of H&M pregnancy jeans that I bought as an emergency solution when I couldn't close my jeans any more in week 12 and I was on my way to catch a flight to Greece to pack the house in which I lived back then. Then one pair of super comfy pregnancy leggings in organic cotton from BOOB design. Highly recommended. A pair of underwear from them as well, I wear those in the photos here. And yeah, the jacket second hand that I wrote about here as well.
What do you look forward to mostly, with your newborn?
Everything! Firstly moving through the birth process together. I see it as a collaboration between all of us three family members, and I dream of it everyday. Then just having him or her out here and being able to discover what sort of person that's been hiding within me for so long. Who it is that has been keeping me awake in the nights. It makes sense though that the baby is more active when I am calmly lying down to sleep. And that it finds peace to sleep, within my daily movements. Then getting to know the person, finding out new things about her or him, daily. What a lifelong discovery, of your child, and yourself. I look forward to build the dream life my partner and I speak so much about. It feels that what we have done together so far, has only been a profound preparation for the real beginning, which starts when our child is here.
You are always travelling and living in new countries and places, are you planning on changing that with the child arriving?
I'll always be moving. There's still so much to learn out there. So many real and genuine worlds beyond the "modern" industrialized societies that we are accustomed to here in the West. I would like my child to learn about nature and animals, about people who live and thrive by loving and respecting the simple and natural, I even think of us home schooling when that time comes around. So not to confine the person into one place, or a structured, squared society and ways of thinking. I remember how much I dreamed of getting away from school and getting out to discover the world. How I felt different and how much of what we learned in school didn't make any sense to me. I want to give all the freedom to my baby from the start. Unless he or she really wants to stay in one place. That said, we would like to buy a peaceful simple home somewhere beautiful in the Swedish forest or countryside someday, to have as a base.
What are you eating now?
Same as before. Healthy clean home cooked vegan 95% of the time. An occasional pastry or burger, vegan or vegetarian burger 90% of those occasions, and a juicy meaty one sometimes very seldom as I have to force myself to get more iron into my system. Not feeling overly good after a meat meal though. Body isn't used to it any more. Can feel how sluggish and heavy I get, and that something feels wrong. Then I do eat a TONNE of oranges. As many as I can get my hands on. Love that craving. Had sushi the other day at this really lovely Japanese place called Saiko here in Malmö. First time having sushi in ages, mmmm it was too delicious... And they work with local fish rather than the ones that are on the brink of extinction, which I like. Also had a couple sips of the sake on their menu. It was called Taru, so I was kind of obliged to try.
How do you feel peace and rest during pregnancy? Any worries?
I am not a worrier really. And I am feeling peaceful in the sole understanding that everything is meant to be. Everything is good and fine just as it is. If it isn't, my body or the universe will always find ways to tell me something is up. So I listen, mostly. Inwards. Reflecting on my life and the things I'd like to accomplish in the future. Thinking of the life and the world that I want to introduce my child to. I think much of what I can do to help, and how to make this world a better place, from my personal vantage point. It gives me peace. Working on myself gives me comfort. Then I make sure to rest as much as I feel is needed. I move my body with biking and walking 6 days of 7. Some stretching. Although I am a lazy stretcher. A useless yogi. Always have to remind myself to stretch more. I've figured that I already posses the internal peace and open connection with myself and the world that yogis find from being still and bent in poses. But stretching is still good, I know. Will be more of that as soon as we move out to the countryside where we have green grass outside windows and doors rather than concrete. I can't wait to live more outdoors again, 10 more days till we're moving!