Morning 👄 I'm gonna admit something. Something I fully realised only this morning, waking up in winter land, in my sisters warm and cosy home in Gotheburg. I fully realised that I definitely have had enough of quiet solo time. I mean, I will always need space to think and be. Being alone recharges my batteries when they've been sucked out of energy. I much prefer the peaceful and calm before hectic and stressful. Nature before concrete. Deep connection before superficial relations. But I’m talking about the extreme alone time I've had living by myself in the countryside on a small island. It was great for what I came there for, but I don’t really need that much of it anymore.
This past year I have filled myself from the inside and out with self love and conscious appreciation of my own precious time. Done whatever I have wanted, explored myself and beyond in all the ways that mattered in any given moment (thank you universe for the year of 2016!). I’ve gone to bed and woken up by myself, hundreds of times, to properly investigate how it feels to be me. Who is me, today, what does she love, what are her desires. Moment to moment. Where does it all come from? What is my origin? What do I truly feel? What’s important to me…
Life on Paros gave me exactly what I needed after leaving my 2,5 year long stint in America and a long relationship behind. It offered me the solitude and peace to completely empty my mind and sort of re-establish, re-shape myself. I got to truly connect with who I am. Who I had become after those years at sea before we arrived in the states. After all the experiences that had happened before and after. Combined with a curious and attentive search inwards and backwards in time, to connect with who I was born into this world as. The experiences and challenges I had gone through growing up. From birth and childhood to today.
The quietness allowed me to break down my self piece by piece, and then build that self up again from the bottom and inside to the outer layers. I continued cleaning out what was unnecessary. Giving space to what was good and hidden. It’s been about allowing love and acceptance to come forth. About refining my needs and values. That work is never finished. There’s always more to be done. More to discover, accept and develop. But 100% island time is definitely over for this time. I didn’t really connect the dots before this morning. It’s been slightly confusing for a moment. But now I can’t wait for next chapter to unfold.
What I want to say with this is, that I’m moving back “home” - well partly at least. And temporarily, of course. Because who knows what may come in my way 6 months or a year from now 🦄 And even if I love Gothenburg that I kinda grew up in and where I have family and many of my friends, I am going to try another great city in Sweden that I love and which I’ve never lived in before. Exciting adventure time ahead… Can’t wait to tell you more. Cause of course there’s more. There always is. Even if I don’t always share that much these days.
Looking back, that quietness from my side was also a part of that almost year long date I have had with myself. I've been open with myself but not so much with others. At least not with the ones that didn’t stand me close. But for better or for worse, I feel that is about to change. Lots of things rumbling. Like a volcano that is about to explode. I’ve got my whole mind, body and soul cram packed with things I want to say. Things I need to say. So much to build and create in this magical dream life that we have been given. And it isn’t quite the same without others.
Thanks for following me, and hope you want to continue doing so in my new life (aaah how I love saying those words)…. it’s all new, it’s always changing. Always moving. Even when not obviously so.